“Mysterious Mediterranean” the brochure touts. I’m not sure I want to uncover the mysteries of the Mediterranean, but the brochure also talks about a cruise called the “Magical Mediterranean.” Whichever it is, I can tell you that by the end of this blog I will know how to spell Mediterranean which, if my nearly non-existent Latin is correct, means something like middle of the earth. But I could be wrong. This is all brought on because somebody sold my info to Oceania Cruises and they diligently send me a brochure every 3 weeks touting their cruises which really do look exceptional. The brochure tells me that I can have “endless adventures” and is chock-full of pictures of happy couples dancing, getting massaged, taking cooking classes and zipping through the streets of Rome on a Vespa. Everybody is slender and well dressed and smiling like there’s no tomorrow. And there’s not… Read More »
The Chewy Man cometh not
It’s 7:30 at night and the FedEx guy with the Chewy.com shipment has not yet arrived. I fed the cats the last of the food at breakfast, I checked the message from Chewy saying “Your shipment is on the way” supposedly on the truck at 9:04 this morning. Should be here in time for afternoon tea (I hope) and dinner for sure. But no, it’s not. The cats are out of food and they are not happy! Well, okay, maybe not entirely out of food — there is the crunch (as we call the dry food around here), but that’s not really dinner, is it? About tea time they had started their usual litany of meows, chirps and gurgles — all to remind me that it was time for a snack. After all, they had missed their post-breakfast, pre-lunch treat (outta those, too!) and had no lunch to speak of… Read More »
Me and Charlie Palmer
The affair with Charlie Palmer (no relation) all started at the Salvation Army fund-raiser. I guess I should clarify that — when I say “affair,” I mean evening out. Not the full-blown affair, please understand. I had never met Charlie Palmer, although had heard of him through my friend Jean. Charlie Palmer is a steakhouse. A very upscale steakhouse, not one that I would be likely to frequent. At the fund-raiser there was a drawing for a gift certificate to Charlie’s steakhouse. And I won it! $150 which, I was assured, would just about cover dinner with wine and a tip. For one. Oh. So I went on Charlie’s website and discovered, yep, $150 was probably about right. BUT — there is something called the “Cut of the Week,” a three course fixed-price dinner for $58. That’s more like it. AND it includes wine pairings. Oh, yes, we can definitely… Read More »
Fruitcake and Christmas sweaters get a bad rap
I love fruitcake and I think my Christmas sweater is adorable. I am beyond annoyed that everyone makes fun of fruitcake and calls Christmas sweaters “ugly.” Take my fruitcake, for instance. And yes, you could use it for a doorstop — that’s because it has nearly a pound of toasted almonds and/or pecans, cups of whole glazed cherries and large pieces of candied pineapple. Of course I do know that there are horrible store-bought fruitcakes that have little bits of dried up citron (citrus peel) and tiny currants about the size of mosquitoes. And in between those is some kind of indifferent tasteless “cake.” So, yes, that is not anything anyone really wants. In fact, it’s not even real “fruitcake.” A real fruitcake like mine has just enough batter — made with real butter and real vanilla — to keep those big chunks of fruit and nuts together. When I… Read More »
Silence over Disneyland
This morning I woke up thinking about Christmas next week and remembering this beautiful experience from two years ago. with a few little changes I am re-posting this account. The trip had been planned a long time in advance. My friend Shawn had invited me to go with him to Disneyland for their very special, once-a-year Christmas candlelight concert. We had the tickets, we had the rooms, the flight was booked … we were ready to go. Then I got sick. Really sick. In the hospital sick. Shawn assured me everything could be cancelled, no pressure. But I really wanted to go! I’d been out of the hospital for a week and was feeling okay, but then I did something that I normally would not do. I asked the doctor if it would be okay, and I promised myself that I would abide by his decision. “It’s a short plane… Read More »
What Grandma Said
“Grandma was right,” I thought as I trudged back up the driveway. Today I had a bunch of errands and I was halfway out of the drive before I remembered that the package I was going to mail was still sitting on the dining room table. Drat! Grandma had a saying: ‘If it doesn’t come out of your head, it has to come out of your feet,’” My feet were paying the price for my head forgetting the package. Now that I think of it, Grandmas seem to have a lot of pithy sayings. One that I liked much better was: “Curiosity killed the cat, but satisfaction brought him back.” My friend Sharon’s grandma assured us “there’s no pot so crooked that there isn’t a lid to fit it,” (on meeting a husband). My other grandma had a slightly more grim outlook on marriage: “She who marries for money, earns… Read More »
The Walmart parking lot hoax – I think
If this really was a hoax, I couldn’t figure out the endgame. Two months later, I’m still scratching my head. For starters, Walmart is my least favorite store on the planet — except when it isn’t. This particular Tuesday, it was the only way to go. I needed a small folding table for my Good News Club, and I knew they’d have it. I figured it wouldn’t be too crowded this early in the afternoon, but everything close to the front was taken, including the “handicapped” parking. Drat. However, the next aisle over I saw a small red car — not a sports car, just a little compact — with its trunk open as the couple were putting the packages in. She was some looker – long blond hair, great figure and wearing a short skirt with high, high heels. I figured by the time I made a loop down… Read More »
C’mon, we’re smarter than that …
Surely we’re all smarter than the TV commercials imply. I doubt anyone even pays attention anymore. But today I saw an ad that blew me away. I mean, we’ve all gotten used to the ones that caution us about the drugs they’re pushing. The ones that say “Do not take this drug if you are allergic to it or any of its ingredients.” Really? You have to be told to not take something you are allergic to? Of course, you are not listening because you are looking at the couple sitting contentedly at the end of the dock enjoying the evening. (By the way, have you ever noticed how many drug commercials show people near water — on a lake or at the ocean? There must be something captivating about water that makes us ignore everything else.) And the car commercials that show cars doing impossible things are no better.… Read More »
There’s helpless, and then there’s … helpless
“I don’t like feeling helpless. I would never ask for help. I guess I’m funny that way,” the lady said to me. She glanced over, whether for approval, or sympathy, I wasn’t sure. I looked at her for a moment and then nodded. We were sitting in the doctor’s waiting room and didn’t know each other. I really wanted to say, “How unusual. Most of us look forward from the time we’re just children to the day we lose our independence and can impose on others.” But of course, I didn’t say that. I was thinking, though, of a different kind of helpless. It was when I moved to Texas and encountered my first “Southern Belle.” Oh my word! I will never forget Sally Jo who give me a real lesson in “helpless.” I had been outside changing the oil in my car and when I came in, there was… Read More »
Phrases I don’t get
Sometimes people use words or phrases that puzzle me or strike me as odd. For instance, in church — and I’ve recently heard it elsewhere too — I hear the leader ask the assembly to “please rise to your feet.” Uh, what else would you rise to? Your knees? Your knuckles? What ever happened to “Will the congregation please stand”? Of course when you rise you’ll be on your feet! And just last Sunday he talked about “the world we live in.” Uh, are there other worlds I don’t know about? Worlds that other people to live in? I remember an old hymn that spoke of “worlds without end …” and maybe that’s it. So the world we live in distinguishes it from all those other worlds out there, right? Here’s another one: “free gift.” We ladies are familiar with that. If you buy a certain amount of Estee Lauder… Read More »
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