Surely we’re all smarter than the TV commercials imply. I doubt anyone even pays attention anymore. But today I saw an ad that blew me away. I mean, we’ve all gotten used to the ones that caution us about the drugs they’re pushing. The ones that say “Do not take this drug if you are allergic to it or any of its ingredients.” Really? You have to be told to not take something you are allergic to? Of course, you are not listening because you are looking at the couple sitting contentedly at the end of the dock enjoying the evening. (By the way, have you ever noticed how many drug commercials show people near water — on a lake or at the ocean? There must be something captivating about water that makes us ignore everything else.) And the car commercials that show cars doing impossible things are no better.… Read More »
There’s helpless, and then there’s … helpless
“I don’t like feeling helpless. I would never ask for help. I guess I’m funny that way,” the lady said to me. She glanced over, whether for approval, or sympathy, I wasn’t sure. I looked at her for a moment and then nodded. We were sitting in the doctor’s waiting room and didn’t know each other. I really wanted to say, “How unusual. Most of us look forward from the time we’re just children to the day we lose our independence and can impose on others.” But of course, I didn’t say that. I was thinking, though, of a different kind of helpless. It was when I moved to Texas and encountered my first “Southern Belle.” Oh my word! I will never forget Sally Jo who give me a real lesson in “helpless.” I had been outside changing the oil in my car and when I came in, there was… Read More »
Phrases I don’t get
Sometimes people use words or phrases that puzzle me or strike me as odd. For instance, in church — and I’ve recently heard it elsewhere too — I hear the leader ask the assembly to “please rise to your feet.” Uh, what else would you rise to? Your knees? Your knuckles? What ever happened to “Will the congregation please stand”? Of course when you rise you’ll be on your feet! And just last Sunday he talked about “the world we live in.” Uh, are there other worlds I don’t know about? Worlds that other people to live in? I remember an old hymn that spoke of “worlds without end …” and maybe that’s it. So the world we live in distinguishes it from all those other worlds out there, right? Here’s another one: “free gift.” We ladies are familiar with that. If you buy a certain amount of Estee Lauder… Read More »
Bears with Furniture
According to Rita Rudner, bachelors live like bears with furniture. I’ve found this to be true. A quick shout-out to Rita Rudner: She is classy, funny and clean. http://www.ritarudner.com. If you ever get a chance to see her, I guarantee you will laugh a lot. But back to the bears: I have known two bachelors in my life who fit Miss Rudner’s description perfectly. One was my brother, the other is my friend Lonnie. Both are wonderful, kind men who would give you the shirt off their back (Oh, no — that is not a pretty sight — put it back on, please!) But they do have their peculiarities. One, which they both shared, is their method of washing dishes. I call it the “fire hose method.” It works like this: Take all the dishes out of the sink. Turn the water on full blast — all the way. Pick… Read More »
Walking my baby back home …
The other evening my phone rang. It was my friend Susan. “Guess what I just did.” she said. “I dunno, lemme think.” Went skydiving? – No, she’s already done that. Booked a river cruise of the Nile? Nope, she’s done that, too. “I give up,” I said. “What did you just do?” “I walked a goose home.” “A what? You did a what?” “I walked a goose home.” “How did you do that?” “Well, I was in my garage with the door open painting a shelf and I heard this really loud “Honk!” and I turned around and there was a goose standing in the middle of the street looking at me.” “What was it doing?” “Nothing. Just standing there watching me.” “What did you do?” “Well, you know geese can be touchy, so I didn’t want to just walk over to it. I called the Sun City Patrol to… Read More »
Easter Monday !!
Ir’s Easter Monday! Just saying those words gives me a warm fuzzy feeling and brings a smile to my face. When I was working at the American Embassy in London, Easter Monday was a holiday, as was Good Friday. Four whole days off. My co-worker Marlene and I went to Brussels for a magical long weekend. We stayed in The Metropole, a magnificent old hotel, dined in French restaurants, and did all the tourist things we could manage. I woke up that particular Easter morning to some kind of indescribable racket — sounded like someone had emptied the entire silverware drawer at the top of the stairs and the knives, forks and spoons were clattering all the way down. It took me a few moments to realize it was church bells! Church bells on Easter morning ringing out the victory of the resurrection. Totally awesome. But that was Easter Sunday. Easter Monday… Read More »
Fun with Dish Towels
When I went to London, I fell in love with dish towels. Well, I fell in love with a lot of things … with the stores, the gardens, the big black cabs, the cathedrals, the tube, the Thames, the bridges over the Thames, the theaters … everything! But yes, the dish towels. Because I have cleaned and rearranged my linen closet, I have a stack — a large stack — of dish towels to iron. (Of course I have to iron my dish towels. Not to would be a travesty with ones like these.) These are 100% Irish linen with bright colorful designs. As soon as I saw them, I fell in love. I bought them by the armful. They were not expensive — at least not by American standards — and they cheered up the kitchen, and me. I can’t remember now (it’s been over half a century) where… Read More »
Do cats get bored?
Is it possible that my cat, Smokey, is a bored cat? I mean, really, do you think cats get bored? Dogs get excited about things and jump around and bark and are always underfoot. Cats, however, seem to simply drift through life sleeping, bathing and occasionally taking a stroll from one room to the next or even (in the case of my cats) into the backyard. But really, how exciting can that be? Smokey has been following me around all day crying. Why? I have no idea. Is the water dish full? Check. Is there crunch (we don’t call it dry food — how appetizing would that be?) on the blue plate? Check. Is the cat door accessible — I mean not blocked by a chair or something? Yep, it’s clear. In Smokey’s case that really doesn’t mean much. She won’t use the cat door anymore since Lop Ear came… Read More »
Goodbye Samuel Pierre
I think I would’ve been okay if I hadn’t seen the trash truck. I’ve been clearing out a lot and one thing I finally decided to let go was Samuel Pierre Bear who has lived with me for nearly 60 years. Samuel Pierre is a large — very large — stuffed Panda bear that a young man named Samuel won for me at the Pomona Fair when we were teenagers. Samuel Pierre Bear has lived with me in Houston and South Africa and London and now Las Vegas. He is a very sturdy fellow standing about 3 feet high and weighing 35 pounds. Wherever I went, he went. When I left home at the age of 22, SPB accompanied me on my drive to Houston. When I joined the Foreign Service and was assigned to the American Embassy in South Africa, SPB went along. He was packed up with all… Read More »
Bad words start with S
I was quite young when I first discovered that words starting with S were likely to be bad. No, I don’t mean bad as in naughty — not that kind of bad word. No, I mean a word that portends tedium. Lengthy, boring and for the most part, indecipherable. I think I was probably around five and just learning to read. I first noticed the connection between S and boredom. It was in church. We went to a little Baptist church in North Hollywood. Reverend Showers was a very nice old man. He could talk for hours. Well, it seemed like hours. I had no idea what he was saying, of course, but it didn’t take me long to realize that Reverend Showers long rambles coincided with the letter S. S as in Sermon. There were other words in the bulletin, of course, that started with other letters — 2… Read More »
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