I love fruitcake and I think my Christmas sweater is adorable. I am beyond annoyed that everyone makes fun of fruitcake and calls Christmas sweaters “ugly.”
Take my fruitcake, for instance. And yes, you could use it for a doorstop — that’s because it has nearly a pound of toasted almonds and/or pecans, cups of whole glazed cherries and large pieces of candied pineapple. Of course I do know that there are horrible store-bought fruitcakes that have little bits of dried up citron (citrus peel) and tiny currants about the size of mosquitoes. And in between those is some kind of indifferent tasteless “cake.” So, yes, that is not anything anyone really wants. In fact, it’s not even real “fruitcake.” A real fruitcake like mine has just enough batter — made with real butter and real vanilla — to keep those big chunks of fruit and nuts together.
When I make it — and I haven’t in years — I start in September. If it’s really too hot for baking, I can push it to October. The point is to make it far enough in advance that the flavors can blend. And, besides all the fruit and nuts, there is one added ingredient which is not absolutely necessary, but certainly makes a huge difference — rum. Ah, yes. Okay, you can use brandy, bourbon or a liqueur of your choice, but I prefer dark rum. While the cake is just out of the oven and still warm, I pour a jigger or maybe two, of the rum over it, then wrap it in parchment paper and again in foil, so it can absorb all that goodness. And I do it several more times over the next few weeks just to, uh, make sure it doesn’t dry out, you know? In the old days, I used clean dish towels but ended up having to throw them out since they had absorbed their share of the liqueur and between that and the stickiness, they were impossible to clean, so parchment paper and foil it is.
The last time I made that fruitcake was several years ago when I took it to a party. When the hostess discovered it on the dessert table, she said (in a voice dripping with disgust), “who brought this fruitcake?” I didn’t own up and have no idea what happened to it. It probably went in the trash. If I’d thought I could sneak it out, I would’ve brought it home and enjoyed snacking on it for weeks to come. I never made another.
As for the “ugly Christmas sweaters,” who decreed that Christmas sweaters are ugly? Some are sort of silly, I admit, and now that the idea of “ugly” has caught on, I do see some that are made to be deliberately weird. Mine, however, which I’ve had for many years, is just as cute as can be. I got it at the after-Christmas sale one year. I remember my mother saying, “but Christmas is over,” to which I replied, “Yes, but God is faithful and there will be another Christmas next year.” And I have found an occasion to wear it every year at least once. One side has a cute little cottage, and the other has a handsome reindeer who used to have a bell round his neck. The bell is gone, but I still think he’s handsome.
The whole idea of making fun of Christmas rather irks me. What’s wrong with having pretty sweaters and eating really good stuff? How about some fudge, or my mother’s marvelous rum balls? Oh, and speaking of fudge, here’s the poem I wrote years ago for Phyllis Diller’s Christmas card back in 2010. She had started it with ‘Twas the week before Christmas and all through the house, nothing would fit me, not even a blouse,” and asked me to finish it for her. So here goes:
” ‘Twas the week before Christmas and all through the house, nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
I searched through my closet for something to wear, but my clothes had all shrunk – it just isn’t fair.
I didn’t indulge. Well — maybe a little. A few pieces of fudge, a bit of nut brittle.
But it’s not my fault, it’s the Holiday Season; I can’t say “NO” without a good reason.
So I hope you’ll excuse the rather sad fact I’m writing this greeting wearing only my hat.”
Love the rhyme; sounds like my kind of fruitcake. Costco makes it like that so I buy it now, only minus the rum. Hmmm, I could always add rum…
Ooh, yeah, you could do that. I’m gonna have to join Costco. Or cozy up to a friend who’s a member.
I enjoy homemade fruitcake too. My mom soaked it in brandy or bourbon. And I say “Yum”. Your reindeer sweater sounds very cozy. Too bad for those who don’t like fruitcake. It just means more for us. Happy New Year!
Yep. I’ll be happy to eat any that’s leftover.
Don’t like fruitcake, but love your poem, Robin. Happy New Year!
Thanks. It was fun writing that — and the one the following year. And I’ll be happy to eat your share of fruitcake.
Love fruitcake but only if it is a good one.
It’s been years since I’ve had a good one. I’m going to have to go back to making my own.
It has been years since I baked fruitcake but it was a Fall tradition (early enough so flavors blend) — I made lots to give as gifts. Who doesn’t like fruitcake? Maybe once again, someday.
Robin, I think the “ugly” Christmas sweater is now very “in.” They are usually funny and very woke for today’s holiday season. Yea “ugly” sweaters!
I did have baking mishaps this season. I was planning to bake cinnamon buns and apple muffins for my family on Christmas morning. I got the ingredients and then on Dec. 24th realized I didn’t have paper muffin cups so made a dash to a very crowded cooking supply store. Found them! When I began the dough for the cinnamon buns I looked for my rolling pin — could I have given it away? A wine bottle worked just fine but it was a task to evenly roll out the dough to 14 inches by 18 inches with a bottle! Now, where are my muffin tins? Surely, not given away!! but nowhere to be found. Fortunately, I live in an independent living coop so the chef provided me with a large muffin tin. Go! Oh, no! the little paper cups for the muffins are too big for the spaces in the tin — I just positioned them over the spaces and all came out well.
The recipe for the muffins came from the chef in a Berlin hotel — sort-of translated into English. The recipe is for “scratch” muffins — meaning, I think, not made from a mix. You are instructed to scramble the eggs before adding to the flour — I’m sure the chef meant “beat” — can you imagine adding scrambled eggs to the dough? The recipe is in grams — OK as I have a gram scale but was momentarily stopped by the instruction to add “backing powder” to the flour. Oh, the wonder of the holidays!
Susan, you make me laugh! Have we not all — at some time — faced something similar? I’ve heard of using a wine bottle in place of a rolling pin, but I can understand the difficulty of having everything come out smoothly and evenly. The other night I had friends over for dinner and was making a tried-and-true chicken and rice casserole. And two hours before, discovered I had no rice. I always have rice!! Finally found some Jasmine rice at the back of the cupboard. A slightly different flavor, but still good.
I hope everyone enjoyed your efforts. They sound yummy.
As always excellent and fun.. Of course a poem written by two such creative ladies would being a smile and speak the true. ~~~ Happy New Year. Carry on dear creative friend. ~~
thank you, Jeanne! We did have a good time and Phyllis laughed and laughed when she read the poem. Happy New Year – and new decade!
On our trip to London, the leader’s wife brought her daughter’s Christmas cake which is very moist fruit cake soaked in some liquor (umhmm) and covered in white fondant icing. Very delicious! Best fruit cake since my mom’s all those years ago. I remember her making her cakes way before Christmas, but can’t remember quite when. I never got the hang of it. We got a Panettone from “Roy” thisisfromroy.com. I think they ordered it through Williams Sonoma. It lasts a long time if kept in the wrapping and in the box.